evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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