i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
