so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
