dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
3 2 1 whiskey
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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