my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
