Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
