I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
