Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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