is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
