So drunk its hurt
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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