No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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