Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
