guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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