it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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