Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
