I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
