plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize