Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
