one two three fourrrrnication!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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