Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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