well I can't set my house on fire every night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
