thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My cat gives me a boner
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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