i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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