You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well you can't waste a boner
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
