Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
