Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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