Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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