What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
