paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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