I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
