i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
