Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
