I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
