Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
