just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
