please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize