watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
