i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
