A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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