i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
