Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
