I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
