he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
