in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's get the cat blown out
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize