Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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