Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
