Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize