i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
