He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
