I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
