i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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