Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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