drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think your dad took our porno
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
