I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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