He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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