Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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