bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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