If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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