just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
