My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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