I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
