I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
