So drunk its hurt
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
