I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
