Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
