Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
