Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
